It started off as a summer romance,
The first time you touched my lips it was an instant high,
I’ll never forget it ’till the day I die.
I loved you more than words can explain,
I just couldn’t get enough,
You took over my brain.
I loved it for a while you took my heart, my soul, my life.
I gave you my all and became enslaved;
I needed you to keep me alive every day.
I looked in the mirror and to my surprise,
I noticed a stranger looking in my eyes.
I sold, I spent, and you kept me on your side,
Till I was all cashed up and loaded with money.
Diamonds and pearls,
Brands, the whole lot,
Then I realized your plot.
I began to need but not to want,
Your hold became stronger and you began to taunt.
Because of you I lost it all,
My family, my life, my true love, the lot.
I was your puppet with the strings attached,
I was desperate for your love I lost control,
And that’s how I became your soldier.
For you I did things I could never forgive and I’ll always remember,
Your hold was so strong; I was in your control.
You killed my best friend with just one shot,
He died in my arms, but you still had me caught.
I was under your spell,
And it felt like hell,
You had me tied in so many ways,
I did anything to have you,
You were leading me to my grave.
I snorted, injected, swallowed, even smoked,
You have me infected.
I tried to give you up with many attempts,
But you wouldn’t let me go I was your right hand man.
I was your girl and I couldn’t leave you,
You gave me so much it was such a thrill.
It was like we were married,
Together forever, but then I woke up,
It needed to stop.
No matter how much I was under your spell,
I knew it could be broken one way or the other,
Even if I had to end up, Six feet under
So after many attempts I decided that’s what I was going to do
As I leaped I was caught by two cops,
And thrown in the back of a white horse in disguise,
When I finally realized,
They were knights in blue and white.
The knights showed me there was a way if I was willing,
So I turned to my faithful parents as we prayed.
We found a man, who was willing to help,
He sent me to a place that was heaven but hell.
As I became more distant from you the more it hurt,
It broke me in half,
Minutes became hours as I was shaking and crying.
It was sending me crazy.
This was hell being away from you,
I was withdrawing in ways I couldn’t explain.
The pain was so bad,
It was driving me insane.
I was forced to go to stupid meetings,
Where everyone got up and shared there sad story.
I realized then how you had me cheated,
I wasn’t the only one in your life.
I was your soldier until I fell,
I was not in your control anymore.
Now I see the truth behind it all,
You were just a fake made to what I thought was perfection.
You’re just a painful part in my life journey.
Now there is a real love in my life,
He is my savior, he never left me.
He was patently waiting for me to return, like the prodigal son.
He’s been there from the beginning of time,
I returned back to him for guidance,
And in return he gave me hope.
I go to the meetings,
But now not by force.
As I learn about you and your terrible ways,
And the people you torment even still to today.
Now there’s a new light and I’m brighter than before,
As I discover more and more,
That life is better without you,
And it’s greater than before.
I never before thought I could live without you,
I was deluded, and blind, you controlled my mind.
You poisoned my brains which lead through my veins,
You polluted my heart, my body, my life,
You need to be stopped.
A war has started with love and support,
Qualities you lack of course,
Our army is strong with soldiers in many places,
AA, NA, professionals, family and friends the lot.
Ready to fight in the front line.
It’s a battle of good and evil,
And the truth is exposed,
The sugar coating is all washed off,
This romance is over, and good will defeat evil.
Your evil with never be within me again.
It’s a battle i will face till the day I die,
And the pride I have when I say,
I’m sober today!
With all the hard work you invested in me,
I became your soldier, but little did you realize,
I’m stronger then you thought.
In a crumpled heap you thought I would be,
Only to find I fight for the cause.
I’m stronger and wiser then you will ever be.
Look who’s laughing now,
Your now just a monkey on my back,
Because I’ll never forget how you destroyed my life.
And as the wounds heal I’m getting it all back,
The life you stole from me.
What can I say?
You’re only my history,
A little distraction,
From my life journey.
Now I look in the mirror and see,
The me I remember, I’m no longer a stranger.
I lift my head and hold it high,
I smile and say with the most pride.
“Welcome back reality, I’m sober and I’m free!”
Although, I’ll have to finish our relationship on a nice note,
Thank you for making me fall apart,
Because now I’m stronger, wiser, happier,
And work harder than before,
Because now I know the truth,
And I can pass on the message,
So people won’t get fooled,
You just a fake, a phony, evil in disguise,
And you’re defiantly,
NOT WORTH THE RIDE!
By Suzana Marakovic